Slow Death…Where Are My College Football Bowl Games?
December 11th, 2008 by John Huss
Last article out, I made mention of a well known book by Philip K. Dick and an even better known movie adaptation of it. Could I possibly have another one up my sleeve? Sadly, the answer is yes.
A Scanner Darkly came out to limited theaters in 2006 with very little fanfare. Partly because it was an obscure title…partly because it was animated. Brilliantly animated using interpolated rotoscope, its main character featured the voice-over of Keanu Reeves. Now before you hang up on me for mentioning his name, let me make you more familiar with this topic. Philip K. Dick wrote the original novel back in the 70s and it featured a story that depicted a futuristic drug culture. The main drug was something called Substance D. Its street name was simply Slow Death. Now portraying Keanu Reeves as a wacked out drug induced lead character is a bit of a stretch…ahem…but the film did a reasonably good job of staying true to the book. All of that is simply backdrop to the main part of this article. The part that I want to truly focus on is the correlation between Substance D and college football.
In the book/movie, Substance D breaks down one side of the brain, which forces the other side to try and compensate for that lost functionality. One result of this is a dual personality. Many of our readers play fantasy college football and know about that all too well.
Side A: Yes honey, let me just check these football stats real quick.
Side B: You idiot, why would you tell her that! You got a death wish? Hurry up, tell her you are ordering her flowers!!!
Side A: Baby, you still like tulips, right?
Even more telling is what the drug is called on the street. For many of us, that Slow Death is the time spent waiting in limbo after the last game until the first Bowl game. It’s that painful gnawing we have as we wait for something called the EagleBank Bowl (Wake Forest vs Navy) to kick off at 11am on December 20th. Imagine the agony felt by a college football fan like myself who foolishly agreed to get married on that very same day.
Side A: This is the greatest day of my life.
Side B: How much do we have to give the Padre to get this wedding done inside 10 minutes? That way, we shouldn’t miss too much of the halftime show….
Side A: Bless me Father for I have sinned…
I’ll miss four games that day. Some would argue that’s a small price to pay for love. I say thankfully I won’t have to miss the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl (Boise St. vs TCU). It’s on December 23rd.
In the book, taking tabs of Slow Death can only be cured by a stint at a New Path rehab facility. College football is an addiction many of us have and I ain’t going to rehab…no, no, no. Instead, I have a source that says FantasyCollegeBlitz is going to help us all out.
Just this very night, Drew Smith posted his views on the Heisman.
Vince, Daniel and Jason Roberts have plans for an upcoming podcast where they will draft who gets to cover which of the 34 Bowl games. I know if I had first pick, I’d be taking the Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl (BYU vs. Arizona)…except that darn wedding thing is keeping me out of the mix. Between my DVR and their extensive bowl game previews, I’ll be able to survive. As will you.
Another way to fill this void is to look at the H2H Bowl Challenge. Winning that would go a long way towards the seed money I need to get the priest to do the short version of the wedding (short version and Catholic wedding is an oxymoron, I know).
Of course, in A Scanner Darkly, the supply and time only lasted so long. In our world, the last bowl game is the BCS Championship on January 8th. Do I really need to tell you who is playing that matchup? Vince called it.
Man…how long after that will I have to wait till spring games start up?
Slow Death.
Related posts:
